And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
