i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
