I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
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I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
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its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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