Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
