You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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