i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
