My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
