....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
