What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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