why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
