I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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