We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
