btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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