when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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