I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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