im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
