I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
