i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
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