Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
i now understand why vodka
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
