just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
