Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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