Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found the puke drawer
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize