my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize