A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
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get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
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I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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