I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
