just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
