Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
