Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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