I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
