so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
