so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
