I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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