I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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