you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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