I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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