And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
