Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Enjoy the penises
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
