I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
