I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
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Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
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I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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