I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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