I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
