...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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