well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
So many bounce houses so little time
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
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I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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