i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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