Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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