Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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