I'm lost and stupid without you.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law