somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
