No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
