btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My dick has a subreddit
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
