Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
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I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We talked him into tasing himself.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
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Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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