Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
