So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
