I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
