hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
